New Beginnings

So tomorrow is the first day of school, and with that brings so many emotions.  First, I'm super excited for Zachary, he is such an amazing and happy little boy and he really enjoys going to school and learning.  He rocked his SOL's and I loved seeing how proud he was of himself, he just turned 9 two days ago and starts the fourth grade this year. I'm over the sadness of losing him to school and now look forward into seeing the kid and young man he will become, where he will go with the things he enjoys and how long his academic love affair will last : ) With that being said brings on my sadness and apprehension about tomorrow, of course I'm excited that Ava is growing up but did kindergarten have to come so quickly?? She has been attached to me at the hip for the past 5 years and now tomorrow starts a new beginning for she and I.  And just like with everything no matter how excited I am or sad I am the reminder that my dad is gone is always lurking.  I'm so hurt for her that he won't be here in the morning to watch her get on the bus and her say "see ya later Poppy", my mom will be here but he is always missing.  He was here on Zach's first day and I know he will be with us, but it's not the same, it's never going to be the same ever again.  So strange to be excited or look forward to something and then realize that every new beginning is another thing he is missing.  Sometimes I for get how to make sense of it all, sometimes I think about other situations and small children who don't get their dad for 33 years, or others who get their parents for 60years or more, but the fact is that this is MY sad, my grief, my pity party, my whatever I want it to be, because I don't have my best friend to call anymore about being excited or sad about tomorrow, and I get that people have things going on everyday but this is MY thing.  I don't expect people to understand, and most days I could careless if they get it or not.  I am just sad that tomorrow he isn't going to be there to watch his baby girl go to school.

Kindergarten orientation

Zach's first Day of Kindergarten

Graduation