Everything happens for a reason??? I'm not so sure

So I have thought about doing this for a long time, everyday my head is consumed with thoughts and feelings that I want to get out but not on facebook : ) It seems like that last few years my life has been surrounded by so many ups and downs.  Many have been much needed learning experiences but the sorrow that I have gone through and some of my friends continue to go through seem endless.

  I never question God about what has happened or thought Why me? I know that a lot of people find a lot of comfort in God and scripture, and I'm not saying that I haven't had MANY conversations with Him, but I am confident that I would have fallen apart a long time ago if I believed everything happens for a reason. I don't believe that and I don't believe He takes you when it is your time.  I realized 11 years ago when John (my other dad) was diagnosed with brain cancer, glioblastoma to be exact(Glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) is the most common and most aggressive malignant primary brain tumor in humans), that God couldn't benefit more from having him than his family could, and because I was fortunate to not have experienced much death in my life, I truly understood what was happening and the impact life and death had on all of us.  John was one of the most important people in my life and was definitely the most important in my parents.  He loved unconditionally and lived to make people happy.  He had a daughter whom he adored and a brand new grandson that brought a new sparkle to his eyes! He loved life and lived it to the fullest...even when he was diagnosed and the Doctors said this was the worst cancer to have and realistically chemo and radiation would do nothing, his tumor was doubling in size every 7 days, he never gave up.  Even as he took his last breath he was looking at everyone of us fighting to stay.  I knew then that God wanted him to be with us but there was something greater and more evil that was preventing him from being able to do so. And that is when it came to me that John being sick was the Devil, the cancer, the pain, all of it was the Devil, and God tried to make John better and when He realized He couldn't He had no choice but to take him.  He healed John of the Devil's poison because this was one battle that the Devil was going to win.  And God won with His healing and by bringing John home.  And so I know that when bad things happen it is the Devil trying to one up God, and God tries to help before He takes any of us and once God realizes He can't beat the evil, He removes us from it. So after only 2 months John was gone.  It was the first time that I had lost a relative, I was 24 years old.  And I learned so much from his death.  I understood that family and friends are a blessing and that you need to be more understanding of people and understand we are all different and not to waste time getting upset over small trivial things because it's not worth it.  We are all different and have our own ideas, I can't judge you for not thinking or feeling the same way I do, I can understand a different view and consider it or let you think what you want and keep my feeling to myself, if it doesn't affect me, why create unwanted drama?? I live my life everyday the way I want, I might not always do the right things or make the best choices, but everyday I am happy with myself and my life.
So this post is TBC....as I have a utility room to tend to, our dryer crapped out yesterday, and Tool Time Train decided to throw away the washer and dryer, and then he goes to Home Depot so needless to say we are under construction and I am tasked with painting today.  The house is in disarray and we are suppose to have a cookout for his birthday tomorrow night and I wanted to have my Kentucky Derby hat party Saturday.....this should be interesting : )