Push It

Myrtle Beach 2010

Classic hit the ball from the mouth tee

Ava putting for Poppy

Nicki and Terry

Ronnie Miles

Zach putting for Poppy

Today started out like most of my days, woke Zach up and off to school he went, sat downstairs and watched my dvr'd shows from the night before waiting for Ava to wake up.  Today I had a doctor appointment scheduled and of course the mini-human accompanied me.  The days was going pretty good and then Push It came on the radio and I had a melt down....and YES I said PUSH IT by Salt-N-Peppa!! Not a sad song, nope not at all, but completely a Ron Ingram song, who refused to sing it correctly, it was not Push It to my dad, it was Bullshit!! And that is how he always sang it.  Most days its the small things I miss the most, the awful jokes that he would tell, that were funny the first five times, but never seemed to lose their humor to him, which were then follwed by my mom yelling at him "Shut the hell up Ron", and him quickly telling her, "Aww go to hell", it was awesome.  I miss when I let the cat out he would ALWAYS say without fail, "Yeah, go out and play with the big trucks."  I miss when we would be somewhere together if something or someone interesting walked in, we would just look at each other and laugh.  Lot's of things I miss, but this week I miss the infamous Annual Myrtle Beach Trip.  This trip was something that my dad (and John) looked forward to every year and NOTHING or NO ONE would keep them from Myrtle Beach during the month of May! It is a group of 25+ friends from all over, who meet up and play golf, cook out, drink and just enjoy each other and their time away from their wives, children, grandchildren, and work.  My dad had gone to MB ever since I can remember, John would come pick him up, because John always had the pimp car, and they would leave at the butt crack of dawn, every year they were just as excited as the year before. Looking back now, I'm so glad my dad had those memories.  John was in charge of making all the arrangements and getting the deposits etc, doing all the leg work that no one would want to do, and when he died my dad started arranging the trip, and that is when the trip turned into the John Miles golf trip.  I will never forget how pitiful my dad looked the night before he would leave, I hurt for him because I knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling.  He always said Bullshit, in fact thinking backing definitely a Ron Ingram Phrase, and I know that is exactly what he felt, it was BULLSHIT that John was a memory and not here to take these trips and smoke my dad out with his stinky cigars! Those two were so funny.  So for 10 years they had the Annual John Miles trip, and even before my dad's surgery was scheduled he was already receiving checks from around the country with every one's deposit.  So unfortunately my dad didn't make it to Myrtle Beach last year but all the guys invited my mom, brother, sis-n-law, Nicki (John's daughter) and I down for cookout night.  Well that was huge considering it is pretty much forbidden for women to be on scene there (unless she is a stripper : ) ) So we went and it was great to meet so many of the people we had heard stories about and had even spoken to on the phone.  They had some great golf shirts made for everyone, very classic and tasteful, one sleeve says John Miles 1999 and the other Ron Ingram 2010.  Well let me say that is DOUBLE BULLSHIT!!! Some days I can't fathom how on earth we lost them both. I want to be angry but it doesn't change anything.  Doesn't change the shirts, the hurt, the anything.  How is it that the diagnoses and everything were almost identical time frames..John's was on dad's 50th and my dad's on his 60th. I can't comprehend that, no matter how hard I try.  Back to MB, our trip was great as I said, one of the guys, who my dad told us about, said he was the nicest guy but always has that damn camera out : ) Well thank God he did, he and Ronnie Miles (John's brother) made everyone some really great cd's and dvd of their MB trip the previous year.  Pictures of them on the golf course and video of them all intoxicated dancing and singing.  The best part of that video was when my dad walked out because he was on the phone with my mom.  I know she liked it to but it was so hard watching knowing it was her that was on the other end of that call.  Anyways we had a great trip down, and I understood why my dad loves all of those guys so much.  We had a nice little memorial/tribute to my dad, we all walked out on to the course and hit golf balls.  Terry (another close friend) made a nice little speech and then the fun started. 
It's funny because people always think as time goes by your healing should get easier, well I can tell you, the hurt changes but easy is not a word I would use to describe any of this.  Everyday has new challenges.  Some days you feel guilty for being happy and letting joy back into your life, for every new chapter that begins that is one more reminder that he is gone and it's permanent.  So many things that happen with the kids everyday that he lived for knowing, I would say he misses but he doesn't they miss out because they will never know how everything they did made him feel.  They will never understand that my parents would do anything and I mean anything for those two.  If Zachary and Ava wanted something they got it. And my dad would make sure of that.  I am happy that right before dad's diagnosis he took Zach to Ford's Colony and they played golf together.  My dad was so excited, and of course Zachary came back with clubs.  My dad made great memories with his grand kids and made sure they knew how much he loved them.  Hopefully one day Zachary and his friends can start their own MB golf outings.

John Miles 1999

                                  Ron Ingram 2010

This was John's last golf outing before he died

SN: On one of the trips my mom had called my dad and one of the guys answered, so my mom asked to speak to Ronnie, my dad picks up the phone and says "Hey Mary", my mom says "Who the Hell is Mary", ha ha ha, well my dad started laughing and explained that this particular year they weren't up for any clubs so they had called around to have the club come to them!!!! So BUSTED!!!! we still talk about that, just another classic moment amongst the Ingram's!